Over the last few years, I’ve pursued becoming a professional embellisher. One motivator occurred when I wrote an article entitled “One month to live.” I learned that people cared most about 3 things when told they had one month to live. 1. Get right with God, 2. Repair any broken relationships, and 3. Tell everyone you love that you love them. Writing the article had a powerful personal impact on my approach to the way I live my life.
I received a boost to the importance of those 3 things when I was first diagnosed with cancer. The “reflection of life” that occurs when you first find out there’s cancer inside you has a powerful impact of what’s most important in life. Currently cancer-free, the initial diagnosis encouraged me to embrace routine conversations differently than I ever had before. Every conversation took on a new importance to me as I considered if it would be the last one I might have with whomever I was engaged with. I had to really think deeply about what I was trying to achieve with each conversation while understanding that the other person in the conversation wasn’t viewing it the same way.
As I continued this pursuit of meaningful engagement with others, I grew in the quality of the questions I would ask while listening for cues of what was important to the other person, what drives their thinking, and which character traits they hold highest. I found that I could find several things I could admire about any person I engaged with if I asked the right questions and listened closely to the answers.
I’ve also found that other people are quick to sense whether there’s any sincerity behind my questions. Social media along with spam texts and phone calls have made people skeptical, constantly scanning for warning signs of unwanted intrusion. I get it. No matter how many numbers I block on my phone, I feel like the same people have additional numbers at their disposal that I have yet to block. Even if they’re AI, exactly who’s paying for all those numbers?
Early in my career, I realized that 3 things we all crave each day are appreciation, respect, and love. And yet, blocking the pesterer’s that bombard our life each day has become a sport of some sort for most of us. The points we tally for blocking intrusion have higher value than the points we score for acquiring appreciation, respect, and love. And so, as we begin each day playing defense, our emotional self-worth offense sits on the sideline bench just aching to come out on the field of play. That’s why genuine sincerity in any conversation has the power to flip that around, allowing us to experience the best traits of any other person we engage with. Sincerity opens up the gates and provides new eyes for you to see things you can admire about others.
Some things I’ve learned in my quest to become a professional embellisher are: Seek commonality first. In a movie I was watching long ago, a person attempting to avoid conflict uttered “Remember, your mother and my mother were both mothers!” which at the time made me laugh but also presented a universal truth of commonality. Bonds are created with commonality. Sincerity is amplified with commonality. Having a son with down syndrome taught me early on to focus on the 99% of him that was just like every other person on this earth, rather than the 1% that was different. What a blessing he’s been in helping me find commonality with others.
So, I embellish…a lot! And when I do I notice an immediate elevation in how the person I’m engaged with sees themself. There’s a slight positive shift in their self-esteem and confidence. My goal is always to have them walking away with just a little more spring in their step and a little more hope for the world in general. Do I mess up sometimes with over-embellishment? Sure, and I learn to watch more closely for signs that my sincerity is fading in someone’s mind. Finding the right time to turn embellishment on and then off takes practice, but the learning curve is a quick one when you practice consistently (just like most everything else).
If you’re wondering about the rewards of embellishment, think about how you’d feel if you actually discovered the treasure at the end of a rainbow. That’s how it makes YOU feel. And the person you’ve just engaged with feels better about themselves. That’s a win/win.
So, take a minute and think back to the last conversation you had with someone who’s no longer here on earth. Do you remember that conversation? If you do and you could have a do-over, is there anything you’d change or say differently if you had known it would be your last? What would the world look like if we all became professional embellishers, noticing something we admire in every person we engaged with and passing out sincere compliments?
Wanna immediately change the world for the better? Start treating every conversation you have as it’s the last one you’ll have with that person and embellish all that’s right with them. The goodbye hugs will linger just a little longer and the spring in both of your steps will come with a little more joy. That alone is worthy of you adopting this new perspective for your life. So, get busy right now, call someone you admire, tell them why you admire them and see how the conversation goes. Then pack up embellishment and carry it with you for the rest of your life. Hey…I Believe In YOU! GiddyUp!