Just a Visitor, or have thoughts taken up Residence?
Have you ever stopped to think about how you process the thoughts constantly firing in your brain? How often do the same thoughts repeatedly enter your mind and, do the thoughts that keep recurring pop in and out like a visitor, or do they fester enough to take up permanent residence in your mind? Either way, is there a strategy to process those thoughts better and more efficiently? And finally, what’s your method of assigning appropriate emotions to each thought and why is that important? These are all worthwhile questions. Why? Because everyone experiences both good and troublesome thoughts throughout the day. The most successful and joyful people have a system for managing them. Let's explore the visitor-or-resident framework and put it to work for you.
I firmly believe that your mind follows your focus. This is based on several key insights have shaped my approach to thought management. The first came from Tony Robbins' program Get the Edge — a 17-CD set from the early 2000’s packed with life lessons that I still like to listen to regularly. The principle most relevant here: "Your mind goes to what you focus on." Ponder that for a moment. Some type of thought enters your mind and suddenly hijacks your attention. Seem familiar? It should. I just hijacked your focus. Building on that, Andy Andrews' book The Noticer adds a powerful layer: "Whatever thought you focus upon increases." It's at the precise moment our focus intensifies on any particular thought that we must decide — is this a visitor or a resident?
The key is assigning every significant thought a visitor or resident label as early as possible. Dividing thoughts into visitor or resident categories creates a clear path forward. Skip that step, and you create what I call the circle of doom in your mind — that endless mental spinning that goes nowhere, much like the buffering wheel on your phone or computer screen. The labeling process starts by sorting thoughts into two categories: I wish and I should.
I wish memories cover your past. Good ones — rooted in joy — deserve permanent residency. Pull them up anytime for an instant emotional boost. Pull them up anytime for an instant emotional boost (yes, I wrote it twice so it will move into your mind and stay forever). GOOD I wish memories can inspire you to want to create more of them that replicate the way the memory makes you feel. They really aid in your pursuit of joy.
Troublesome I wish memories, which are most often tied to fear, regret, or embarrassment are a different story. There is zero positive value in letting them take up residence. You cannot change the past, but you have complete control over how much space it occupies in your present. If you've already learned the life lesson from the troublesome I wish memories, flash those memories the No Vacancy sign the moment they come knocking — because when they move in, they bring low self-esteem, discouragement, and self-doubt with them. You're worth more than that.
I should thoughts are forward-facing — they arrive randomly or intentionally and can actually be energizing and exciting.Thoughts that fall under the I should label can actually be fun and exciting because we can feed off of them to create the future we want to experience most. If right away we see how a thought could provide value, we can let it take up residency in our mind and work it to our advantage. The residency might be temporary, might be permanent, but either way we reserve mental space to further explore what the thought can provide to us that moves our life in a positive direction and towards our goals, hopes, and dreams. If any I should thought is unable to immediately establish any basis of value, we can show it to the exit and give it a swift kick in the rear on its way out of our mind.
So, what’s the payoff for embracing the Visitor vs. Resident method of managing our thoughts? For me, it been a life tool of efficiency that has enhanced my ability to instantly and regularly relive the most joyful moments of my life, along with maximizing the intentional pursuit of the positive hopes, dreams, and goals for my future, and the future of the people and communities that I love.
I believe that mastering the Visitor vs. Resident method of managing our thoughts can work really well for YOU TOO! While this framework may sound complex at first, once internalized, it becomes one of the simplest and most powerful mental habits you can develop. Master the visitor-or-resident decision, and you'll find yourself living with more clarity, more joy, and far less mental noise — because every thought that takes up permanent residence in your mind will have earned its place there. Hey…I Believe In YOU! GiddyUp!